


Love of my Life

by sternchencas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bi!Dean, Heartbreak, Hurt, M/M, Pining, Queen Concert, happy end, troubles with coming out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-27 18:01:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20050228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sternchencas/pseuds/sternchencas
Summary: Dean and Cas break up when Dean can't admit that he loves Cas. It takes time, a Queen concert, and a special song to give them a happy end.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [caswatchesoveryou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/caswatchesoveryou/gifts).

> This story is yet again inspired by the beautiful art of [cas-watches-over-you](http://cas-watches-over-you.tumblr.com). You have to watch [the video!!!](https://cas-watches-over-you.tumblr.com/post/180973126623/this-is-the-point-where-the-guitarist-gets-to) It's not just a fanvid, it's all drawn and it has Destiel and Queen and it's awesome!!!
> 
> I'm having a hard time writing lately, but I needed to finish this and I hope it makes for a good birthday present. Love ya Heikü ❤😊

Castiel has no idea how they got into this situation. He’s been unhappy for a while but pretended that everything is fine for Dean’s sake. Now Dean is looking at him with something in his eyes that tells Castiel that he won’t believe the lie anymore.

“So, what are you saying?” he asks.

“I don’t know.” Castiel walks around the sofa in their living room. "You know that I don't want to force you to do something you don't want but I can't do this anymore."

"Can't do what?"

"Not be with you."

Dean closes his eyes for a moment. "But you are with me."

"Dean, we had a date tonight. A date," Cas explains as if he's not sure if Dean knows that. "And I couldn't even hold your hand. Even Sam doesn't know that we're together. Sam!"

"I told you, I need time to-"

"You had three years already!"

"And you said that you don't mind giving me time," Dean hisses, anger creeping into his voice.

"And I did, didn't I?" Cas sighs. This conversation doesn't get them anywhere, and they're not even talking about the root of his problem. "I thought I can wait as long as you love me. Do you love me, Dean?"

"You know that," Dean huffs.

"You never say it." The room goes awfully quiet for a long time. Cas turns to Dean and watches his face, focusing on him as if he can drag it out of him. Dean opens his mouth but closes it again. Cas freezes. "You can't even say it."

"I don't have to proof anything."

Dean looks away and tears well in Cas' eyes. It's even worse than he thought. He loves Dean with all his heart but he learned a long time ago that the most important person in his life needs to be himself.

With a heavy heart, Cas moves over to Dean. He holds Dean's face in his hands and kisses him. "I love you, Dean. I always will. I hope that one day, you will love yourself as much as I do."


	2. Chapter 2

Dean never understands why time slows down as soon as a few people form a line. It must be one of the unsolved mysteries of the universe. He’s too tired to think about it for more than a second, though. Dean put an all nighter at work, slept for four hours, and is on his way back to work. At least as soon as he gets his coffee. The person at the front of the line finally walks away, the rest of them collectively taking a step forward. After two more people, Dean moves in a daze, his eyes falling shut again and again. 

“Hey buddy, you want something or not?”

Dean’s eyes fly open. The barista is staring at him while the guy behind him clears his throat so loudly as if he wants to strangle Dean any second. “The biggest cup you have, and just fill it up with coffee, black.”

The barista comes back so fast, Dean wonders if he dozed off again. After handing over his credit card, the guy tries three times to make the payment work before he turns to Dean with a sigh. “Any chance you have cash?”

There’s heavy breathing behind Dean, who fumbles in his pocket. He gets out a 10-dollar bill, but before he can hand it over, it slips out of Dean’s hand, tumbles through the air, and lands under a nearby counter. He scrambles to get it, cursing as he gets on his knees.

“Let me get that,” a deep voice says behind Dean.

At first, Dean wants to object, but a glance over his shoulder shows him the long line behind him. There’s a good chance these people might lynch him if he takes any longer. Dean stays on his knees and fishes the bill out from under the counter. By the time he gets back up, the man behind him is walking away, and the barista points at Dean’s coffee. “Who paid for that?” Dean asks, and the barista nods at a man in the line.

The woman in front of the man steps forward, giving Dean a good look at his savior. He’s wearing a black suit, with a white button down shirt and a beige trenchcoat. His hair is somewhat out of place, and Dean freezes when he looks up. The man is no stranger at all.

“Cas?” Dean whispers, his voice getting away from him.

Cas stares back at Dean, just as surprised. “Dean?”

“I’m sorry, but you’re really holding up the line here,” the barista says in a pained voice.

Dean grabs his coffee, and takes position next to Cas, dropping his voice. “Thank you, I guess.”

“No problem,” Cas says. Dean chuckles, the sound breaking out of him. It makes Cas raise his eyebrows at him. “What?”

“Just-” Dean sighs. “It’s been two years, and the first thing I see you do is pay coffee for an idiot stranger. You’re still an angel.”

Cas blushes. “Maybe I just wanted to get to my coffee," he says, his voice defiant.

Dean smiles, the blue of Cas’ lovely eyes holding him. They only move when the woman behind them clears her throat. They both take the step forward.

“Listen, do you have some time?” Dean asks. The fact that Cas is nearing the end of the line makes Dean afraid that he might disappear as soon as he has his coffee. “We could catch up.”

Cas hesitates for a moment, but then he nods. “Of course. That would be nice.”

“Great, you get your coffee and I’ll grab us a table.”

Dean sits down at a table in the utmost corner of the coffee shop. He’s hoping that he and Cas might get the least disturbed here. Looking over to the line, Dean can’t believe it’s been so long since he saw Cas. He’s standing there in the line as if no time has passed at all, his shoulders a tiny bit hunched over, with those little curls of hair on his neck, and his face so damn serious as if he needs to come up with a plan to save the world.

As soon as Cas gets his coffee, Dean tears his eyes away. He doesn’t want to get caught staring. Cas sits down opposite of him, nodding at Dean’s enormous cup. “I see you still treat your body like a temple.”

“Every day.” They smile at each other for a moment, but then they both look away. Dean guesses that just like him, Cas remembers the last time they spoke. It's not a happy memory.

"So, what brings you here?" he asks, breaking the silence. "Visiting somebody?"

"Work, actually," Cas says, looking guilty. "I moved back here. In two months, the chief editor of the 'Heaven Post' retires and they want me to take over."

It's stings a little that Cas lives here again and Dean didn't know about it, but he still smiles. "Wow, that's awesome. Congratulations."

"Thank you. I mean, it's just a small town-"

"No no, I don't want to hear you putting yourself down again. It's great and you know it."

"I guess," Cas smiles and Dean's heart skips a beat. 

He missed all of this so much. Cas has always been the one good thing in his life, no matter what. He's been such an idiot to throw that all away. 

"How about you?" Cas asks after taking a sip from his coffee. "No offense, but I know that look. You're overworking yourself, aren't you?"

"No," Dean huffs but laughs when Cas raises one brow at him. "Okay, maybe a little. I'm working on some wheelchair improvements and things like that. We want to make the world more accessible for everyone. Especially queer youths who've been abandoned by their families."

Cas smiles so broadly that Dean's heart skips a beat. "That's so great, Dean," he says. "How did that come about?"

"I met this guy Aaron at pride and we started talking since it wasn't easy for him to get around-" Dean stops his explanation when he sees Cas' face. It lost all color and Cas watches him as if Dean just grew a second head. 

"Pride?" he asks with a dry voice.

"Oh, um, yeah. I came out as bi about a year ago."

For a moment, everything around them seems to stop. They sit in this quiet bubble where only the two of them exist. Dean wants to apologize but then Cas gives him another smile. It's so radiant that it takes Dean's breath away. "That's great, Dean. I'm so happy for you."

"I kept thinking about everything you said back then," Dean says. He's so happy that Cas isn't angry with him that the words rush out of him. "I finally wanted to be the real me."

Cas keeps smiling while holding his hand out to Dean. "I'm looking forward to getting to know the real you."

Dean shakes Cas' hand and for the first time in two years, Dean feels like himself. Coming out or not, Dean is not Dean without Cas.


	3. Chapter 3

Cas feels like he's never been so nervous in his entire life. He's sitting in the Impala with Dean, listening to Queen although they're literally on their way to a Queen concert. Cas got the tickets from the newspaper and he's supposed to write about the concert. Technically, this isn't even free time and it's definitely not a date. So why is he so nervous?

"You alright?" Dean asks, looking over to Cas with concern in his eyes. "You look tense."

Cas nods. "I'm fine. I was just thinking about the article I need to write."

"It'll be fine," Dean assures him. "Just enjoy the concert and the words will come like they always do. You're great at this."

It's been about a year since they met at the coffee shop. They've fallen into an easy rhythm of shared breakfasts and dinner dates. They go to concerts, tell each other about work, and help each other fixing things or keeping up with household chores when work is overwhelming. They're a couple who's not a couple, especially since they don't live together.

You could say that they're friends again and at first, Cas was fine with that, but now he's not so sure anymore. Next to all the things that remind him of his past relationship with Dean, there's one thing that is very different and that's Dean. He's a lot more attentive, friendlier and less angry. It seems, he doesn't take Cas for granted anymore, constantly asking how he feels and reassuring him when he needs it. For the first time in their lives, Cas feels cared for. He feels loved.

Cas is so lost in thought that he only comes back to reality when Dean opens the passenger door of the Impala from the outside. "Earth to Angel. We're here."

He holds a hand out for Cas whose heart melts when faced with a soft smile from Dean. Letting Dean help him out of the car, Cas finally has to admit that he never got over his feelings for Dean. This isn't new. He's still in love with Dean.

* * *

Why would Dean help Cas out of the car as if they're in some old timey movie and he has to help down his beloved from a carriage? Cas takes Dean's hand in good fun like the nice friend he is but Dean scolds himself all the way over the parking lot. He has to remind himself that this is not a date. Cas does this for work and only brings Dean along because he has a spare ticket.

Dean does his best not to sneak glances at Cas every two seconds and think about the concert instead. He's going to see Queen after all. Their music means a lot to him. It helped him through the difficult time when Cas left him, and also carried him closer and closer to finally coming out. Dean won't forget the moment he told his family, Freddy's voice singing somewhere deep in his mind, helping him.

With Cas by his side, Dean enjoys being in the crowd. It feels like he's finally among his people with no need to hide. The music hugs them all tight, lights shining in the night, the moon smiling down on them. It's like coming home.

“This is the point where the guitarist gets to speak, now and again. And today I don’t have very much to say except thank you very much for coming and, uh, making this the hottest ticket this country has ever seen. You’re great - we love ya."

The voice brings Dean back to reality and he watches the stage as Brian plays the first notes of "love of my life." He's aware how close Cas is standing next to him, promising himself that he won't hurt Cas again.

"Love of my life, you've hurt me," Freddy sings, walking to the front of the stage. "You've broken my heart and now you leave me."

The crowd takes over from there and Dean and Cas sing along. "Love of my life, can't you see? Bring it back, bring it back, don't take it away from me, because you don't know what it means to me."

While Cas watches the stage, Dean can't help but glance at him after all. He's stunning in his joy, radiating something soothing that always makes Dean feel better. To this day, Dean doesn't understand how he could have been so fearful and stupid. He had this wonderful man by his side. Cas begged him to admit his love. They could have been together all this time.

With Freddy's voice washing over them, Dean closes his eyes for a moment, praying for a second chance. "When I grow older, I will be there at your side to remind you how I still love you."

Again, the crowd takes over to sing the line "I still love you" but Cas stays quiet at first. The only thing he sings is "you" as the back of his hand brushes Dean's. Without thinking, Dean takes his hand and this time, he doesn't struggle at all. Looking at Cas, he can finally say it. "I still love you."

Logic dictates that there's still a concert going on around them but all Dean sees are Cas' eyes on him. He's not outraged, not angry, not pushing Dean away. Instead, he turns to Dean and closes the distance between them.

Dean has kissed Cas many times but it's always been something shameful that he needed to hide. Now it's pure bliss. They're pressed against each other, their fingers clawing at their shirts, wanting to get even closer. Dean deepens the kiss, hoping to show Cas how much he wants this and how he doesn't care about anybody else anymore.

Cas throws his arms around Dean's neck, holding on to him as the crowd sings with Freddy. "Love of my life, love of my life."

Dean holds Cas close, his heart ready to burst with joy as he joins in, throwing his head back as he sings. "Ooohh …. yeeaahh!"

Still holding on to each other, Dean and Cas cheer with the crowd while Dean sends a silent thank you up to the stage. He can feel the love, not only between him and Cas but all around them. There's nothing quite like a Queen concert.

* * *

Cas' article in the "Heaven Post" reads as follows:

_The next time there's a Queen concert near you, just go there yourself. I lack the proper words to describe the feeling but I can guarantee that you won't regret it._

Cas' colleagues urge him to write more but he insists on making a statement by keeping it short and to the point.

What he keeps to himself is that he just didn't have the time to write a proper article since he's been too busy making out with his boyfriend.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! :)
> 
> If you haven't watched [the video](https://cas-watches-over-you.tumblr.com/post/180973126623/this-is-the-point-where-the-guitarist-gets-to) the story is based on, do it now!!! And give Heikü some love. She deserves it a thousand times over :D


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